Venting and other thoughts

A Warning to those who might read this: Personal thoughts, Venting frustration

A few thoughts have been running through my head the last week or so. I don't know if it's the experience of being a new mom of two or if this is normal or maybe this is just the way things are going to be, but lately I've felt like I'm not cut out for this whole mom thing. Having just one is simple and I stick to my previous views that you're not truly a parent until you have at least two kids. I know it's only been about three weeks, but they have been a stressful three weeks. Breanne has become VERY whiny. She's started to throw more tantrums then usual and I know that it's probably just jealousy because I have to pay a lot more attention to Kaitlyn right now, but when Kaitlyn has been screaming constantly every time she's awake and deciding not to sleep for more then an hour at a time at night I'm tired and my patience is low. Because of this and the fact that Kaitlyn wants to eat ALL the TIME I quit breastfeeding. The guilt of that has been enough in itself and it seems that everyone I tell has a disappointed tone in their voice like I failed as a mother. If I could go back to breastfeeding I would, but not because I miss it. I'd go back just so I'd feel like a good mom. I'm sure I'm hormonal still, but all of these emotions are getting the best of me and I'm starting to feel bad for Breanne. I was irritable when I was pregnant and I was looking forward to Kaitlyn's birth because I thought that my mood would improve, but sadly to say it has not. It's probably gotten worse. I think of all the people I know who have kids and are stay at home moms. They do it so well and they seem like such happy, perfect moms. I love my kids, don't get me wrong, but I don't know if this comes as naturally to me as it should. What made me think I could raise children? Kids have never liked me and personally, I've never really liked them. These are just random firings of my frazzled brain. I'll end this posting with a cute story.

A few days ago I put Kaitlyn on the couch while I did something in the kitchen. She started to cry and I finished what I was doing in the kitchen, quickly, and started back to the couch. As I turned around the crying died down a bit and around the corner came Breanne holding her little sister! She was doing really well, not squishing her or holding her by her neck. She was holding her against her chest very carefully. However cute that was we had a nice talk about not picking up baby Katie (that's what Bre calls her) without mommy or daddy. She really does want to help. She always goes straight for the pacifier (or ball as she calls it) when she starts to fuss and tries to stick it in her mouth. Kaitlyn is slowly warming up to the pacifier. Key word, SLOWLY. She also likes to help feed her every once in awhile. Despite all the frustrations there's always some shining moments that will make you smile.

Oh, and Breanne got her Halloween costume and LOVES to put it on and "fly around".

She's Here! She's Finally Here!

Right on time! Already not like her mother. She was born right on schedule, September 18th at 1:31 AM. Oh so bright and early in the morning. If I was to sum up the whole experience in one word it would be "WONDERFUL". I'm not getting all mushy gushy on you. Seriously, it was great. With Breanne, for some CRAZY reason, I didn't get an epidural. I'm baffled at myself, really. This time....much different. We sat around and talked and laughed. I was having contractions at one point every minute and didn't even know it, we slept a bit. Wonderful! It started to wear off at about midnight but, again, perfect because when the big moment came it went quickly and I was up walking around about an hour after she was born. To all my pregnant friends out there, please for your own sake...TAKE THE EPIDURAL!

Okay, enough of my soap box. She came out with a full head of hair, as you can tell by the pictures. The doctor made a funny joke that she has more hair then her daddy. He laughed, but I know it hurt him deep. 7lbs 15oz, I was the winner of that bet with a guess of 7lbs 13oz. No prize money was awarded but I'll take my new baby girl as a prize, and of course the bragging rights. 19.5 inches, she's a beauty.

Breanne was a champ through the whole thing. She stayed with Papa the night Kaitlyn was born and didn't even cry for mommy when he laid her down for bed. She loves to help with her new little sis, this can be great or sometimes more trouble then it's worth, but she's doing great.

It's weird to be a mom of two now. I actually feel like a "mom". When it was just Bre we had all this free time and she entertained herself, but now I've got both of them demanding my attention, usually at the same time, when I'm trying to make lunch and talk on the phone to a relative, and trying to feed the baby. I feel like I'm doing a juggling act. Wow, and we're hardly a week into it. It's going to be fun and I'm sure stressful will be used to describe it as well.

The $300 Date

Not many people can say that they were taken on a $300 date, but I can. And yes, I am bragging. Cameron flew me up to Friday Harbor in the San Juan Islands for the afternoon on Saturday. The plane was the biggest expense by far, but he needs to build hours and so it was killing 2 birds with one stone.

We flew up at about noon and it took about an hour to get there. I actually got to fly the plane a bit and realized that it's WAY to involved for me. It's completely opposite of driving a car. Instead of everything mostly being outside the plane, everything is mostly in the plane that helps you fly it straight. Very stressful, especially since one of the compasses was finicky and wasn't exact (that drove me crazy!). Anyway, we landed and walked from the runway to town, which only took about 15 mins (but that's because it was down hill. It took about 25 mins on the way back up). We walked around looking for a place to eat and found a cute little place that served seafood, of course Cameron got chicken strips, I got calamari (yum, yum). We had a nice peaceful lunch in the sun looking out over the docks. Even though we we're stuffed we HAD to get ice cream! So good. Two HUGE scoops, one death by chocolate and the other chocolate peanut butter. That was just mine. Everyone knows that you can't share ice cream. So we, each with our own large cups of ice cream, went and sat down in the grass next to the docks and watch all the enormous boats (or yachts) come in.

What was really sweet about this trip is that the last time that Cameron and I were there alone like that was when we were dating before his mission. We sat in the same grass we sat in 4 or 5 years ago. This is like the first real date we've been on in months. It's nice living close to family and always having someone willing to watch your kid. The months that we did go without dating make you realize, when you do finally get to go, how important they are. We just laughed and talked about nothing important. To all you married folk out there, I advise you to date. It's worth going and finding a reliable babysitter. Fall in love all over again.

"Dating, isn't it about...time"