What is it to be a "Mom"? Random miss firings of my brain

For some very strange reason I have been contemplating this question. Probably because I have so much time to myself in the evenings with Cameron gone and it takes me about an hour to fall asleep because my brain won't shut off. So with all these things combining this is what I have been thinking about a little bit.
I remember when I first had Breanne and people kept asking me if I felt like a mom yet. I had never been a mom so I didn't really know what it should feel like. Now looking back at the past 3 years of me being a mom I'm still wondering, "What should it feel like to be a mom"? I don't know if I DO feel like one.
For starters, almost everyone I know that has children that are about my girls age are older then I am (with the exception of Maggie who is having baby #3 and is 2 months younger then me). And everyone who is my age is just getting married or just having baby #1. I feel as though I should actually be about 28 or 29 instead of just 24. I just graduated college a year and a half ago and I'm still trying to figure out how to raise myself and now 2 girls. I look at how I parent my girls and it seems so different from other people. The older people I know who have kids seem to have a more layed back approach. Maybe in 5-10 years I'll be like that too. It's interesting how just a few short years can change your perspective on things and how you handle them.
Now, with all this thinking don't think for one second that I don't love my kids and are grateful that at age 24 I have them. It's just things that I was pondering and I don't know if it will make sense to anyone else.
When I go out to have a picnic with Breanne and Kaitlyn, or just the 3 of us, I feel like more of a babysitter then a mom. Not that I'm lugging around these kids that I'm getting paid to watch sort of feeling. Okay, maybe it's more of an Aunt feeling. Like I'm taking them out to have fun and hang with them. Does that make sense? Maybe that's what being a "Mom" feels like and I've had it all along. They way the question has been posed to me makes it seem that it will be this sudden, life changing "wow, I feel like a mom" when I think it come on more gradual and eventually it happens but you still feel like the same ol' you.
Being a mom has definitely brought out all the characteristics that I don't like in myself, don't know if I'm the only one. Being tired I see myself more on edge and more frustrated. Trying to teach Breanne new concepts and she tries my patience. Learning to be less selfish with my time and my life goals. These last 3 years have shown me all the things I need to work on and have slowly made me a better person. I just hope that as I strive to be a better person my girls will have patience with me. Hopefully they get it from their father because we all know I am still trying to develop mine.

one week down, 2 to go

As many of you know, Cameron has been gone to Vegas for the last week and won't be home until August 4th. He is finishing up his flight training (and when I say finishing, I mean finishing) getting his multi engine, certified flight instructor, certified flight instructor instrument and his multi engine instrument. All this means that after August 4th he can start sending out his resume to every flight school in the country and start teaching other people to fly.
It has been interesting, to say the least, having him gone for this long. The first two days were absolutely over whelming and I cried multiple times. As this week went on it got significantly better and we are now coping just fine (atleast for right now).
My sister's baby shower is this Sunday and I'm currently down at my mom's trying to help her with that. We could potentially have 60 people at this shower and it's at my mom's house. Could be a bit crowded and it's suppose to be about 90 degrees. Hope everyone wears deodorant. So after all this I'll have only one week left and I REALLY hope it just flies by.
Cameron had an interview for a Park Ranger position for the state of WA and we had been waiting to hear if he got one of the positions. As it turns out he didn't for some unknown reason so the chances of moving are significantly increased. I'd say we had a 90% chance of moving which is really sad because I really love the town we're living in and all the people that we have met. It just depresses me to think that I have to move and make friends all over again, which I'm not very good at.
Florida, Texas, California, Arizonia, Nevada, and any other warm climate state, here I possibly come!

Tragic Celebrity Death

Yet another celebrity death. Tragic, but true.
Scene may be graphic for younger viewers.








Nemo was found July 5th. Unfortunately, he was identified too late.

Sorry, but this is for Cameron. He had this idea because of all the celebrity deaths that have been occurring this month. It may be a bit cold, but I laughed so maybe others out there will have a bit of a chuckle too. Seriously though, if I was famous I would be concerned that I would be next! To all those celebs out there...you've been warned!